Many people have experienced living alone during an illness thanks to the recent pandemic. People who live alone find themselves having to find food, clean their houses, care for their children, and occupy their time while also struggling to heal. It’s not easy. The good news is that good, supportive friends can make all the difference with deliveries, visits, and even quick, short check-ins. Here are some tips for ways to show up for your sick friend who lives alone.
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Visit
It’s really important to recognize that “alone” doesn’t mean “lonely.” Plenty of people are happy to live independently and have no interest in cohabitating. So don’t think that just because someone is sick and lives alone, that they need you to rush over and take over their couch or guest room. Still, illness brings out the need for both physical help with tasks and chores and for companionship. This means that the first thing to consider when you have a sick friend who’s alone is a visit.
Of course, before you visit, call your friend. Ask if they need you to bring anything, when a good time will be, and how long they’d like you to stay. Let them know that you want to check on them, so they don’t feel like you’re obligated or burdened by the visit. Then, when you arrive, bring some tea or a comforting sympathy care package filled with treats to remind them of how special they are to you. This initial visit lays the groundwork for all of your future support through the illness.
Cook
The next step in virtually every relationship, when one person is sick, is to cook. It’s a time-honored tradition that has withstood the test of time. Whether it’s a casserole after a funeral or a pot of chicken soup for a bad cold, food is the great equalizer, the great healer, the great bond-creator. It’s a form of caring for someone that connects to core, nostalgic memories from childhood, and it creates a new, powerful memory.
If you have a sick friend who lives alone, it’s an especially profound act of caring to cook for them. And don’t worry if you can’t cook, or if you live far away. You can always find a meal delivery service to drop off a delicious and nutritious meal for you. But if you are handy in the kitchen, consider cooking at your friend’s house. The act of cooking onsite will create an even greater connection, as the smells of herbs and spices fill the home. And you can serve a fresh plate or bowl as soon as the food is ready.
Clean
Of course, you’ll clean up after yourself if you cook in your friend’s house. And while you’re at it… Cleaning is another effective way to show someone you support them through an illness. They don’t have a spouse or older child to call on for help cleaning, and if they’re ill, they’re unlikely to be scrubbing baseboards any time soon. But they may be lying in bed feeling even worse for those cobwebs in the corners and the dishes piling up in the sink.
Even if you just spend an hour tidying up the house and loading the dishwasher, you can have a huge impact. Someone who lives alone usually doesn’t make a huge mess, but clutter adds up quickly. Run the vacuum, throw a load of laundry in, and change sheets. If you don’t live nearby or if you can’t imagine cleaning toilets, you can hire a service to come by once a week to get the job done. A clean environment contributes greatly to faster healing.
Drop Off Entertainment
Okay, so your friend might not be lonely, but they may be bored. Even with all the streaming services and social media apps, life alone, stuck at home, can get mundane. Particularly if your friend is genuinely bedridden or can’t move around much, it can be hard to be stuck in a single place for a long period of time. What’s worse, the time spent alone, in one place, without entertainment, can lead to bouts of depression and anxiety, which can delay healing.
As a friend, you can help break up those dark times by bringing over, or being, entertainment. You can bring over gossip or fashion magazines in a basket filled with candy or other treats. You might bring over a board game and offer to play, or even a deck of cards. If you’re feeling really wild, drop by with a karaoke machine and get ready to sing at the top of your lungs. Making your friend laugh and helping them have a good time can go a long way toward speeding up healing.
Help with Healthcare
Finally, even the most resourced people have trouble navigating the healthcare system. Do you have coverage for this procedure? How many sick days do you have at work? Do you have long-term coverage through the federal or state government? All of these questions can be stressful. Add to that the fact that you have to get to and from doctor’s appointments, and you’re doing it alone, and you might feel completely overwhelmed.
You can relieve some of this overwhelm by taking on just one of these tasks. Figure out how much coverage your friend has and help them manage their bills. Offer to drive them to appointments. Take notes while they’re talking to the doctor. This level of support can make the difference between someone getting lost in a difficult system and finding their way back to a healthy life.
In the end, many, many people love being alone, and they have chosen to live independently. This living situation can mean two things at the same time: they’re not lonely, and they may need extra help in difficult times. As a good friend, you can show support when they become ill. Start with a nice visit and a cup of tea, and then go from there. Cooking, cleaning, and even playing board games can all help your friend recover quickly. And your help will become a lasting, fond memory.